The other day Lizzie and Samara were playing. Lizzie can get quite rough with her affection. She'll poke, scratch, grab Samara's hair, etc. I hear them playing and giggling. Then I hear, "Oww. LIZZIE!" voice calms "I wish I didn't teach you so many good fighting skills. MOM! We need to get Lizzie in a more appropriate class like dance or yoga or something. No, that would be weird. Yoga is only for adults."
Fighting skills are pretty useful--something poor Samara definitely did not have when she was Lizzie's age. Lizzie just turned 18-months old -- the age when kids can start going to nursery at our church. She went for the first time last Sunday. She was so happy to have toys and snacks and not have to be confined and quiet in Sunday school. She came over near me a few times but didn't seem to need me around. Today, I explained to her she'd stay alone and when it was time for me to say goodbye, she gave me a kiss and only fussed, "mama mama" as I walked away but was totally fine when I left. It sorta...well...really blows my mind.
Lizzie's first day of nursery
excuse the low quality phone pics
Samara's first day in nursery
What a huge contrast to Samara's nursery experience. Lizzie certainly has been babysat alot more than Samara was. Ben, almost in tears, the first day Samara went to nursery went with her as a "bodyguard" to fend off any kid in a 2-ft radius. We were so worried about the nursery thugs hurting her. Samara started babbling when she was a few weeks old and hasn't stopped talking since. She would tell a kid if he/she started taking her toy, "my toy. keep." She didn't take toys. So when they didn't follow the rules, a meltdown would ensue. We moved from NC when Samara was 19 months old and we were here and there and everywhere the two months before we moved to Singapore so she never ended up going to nursery and certainly not alone. When we got to Singapore, we stayed with her the first couple weeks and one of the nursery workers really encouraged us to leave her, insisting she'd be fine. I could tell she was thinking, "what cute overbearing first time parents who think they need to stay with their daughter". But I knew my daughter. The next week we left her like the teacher wanted. About ten minutes later, the teacher came and got me and said, "Well, we normally really try to get kids to stay alone. They cry and we distract them but your daughter is very specific about what she wants. When you left she went to the door and started screaming,""Get me out of this place now! I want my mimo! Let me out!" I tried not to smile when she said, "You're welcome to just stay with her until she's comfortable." Samara has always known how to speak her mind!
So many people tell me their first born is difficult and that the second born is easy going. I know this is not always the case but it often seems to be true.
At first I worried about not being able to give Lizzie full attention like Samara got, but now I think quality time is more important than quantity. Plus not having the attention on you 100% of the time seems to foster independence. Poor Samara didn't stand a chance of not being high strung. We gave her such a phobia of being messy that she still won't eat certain things because they get her hands sticky. She couldn't spoon feed herself until she was older than I will admit. Lizzie, on the other hand, often won't eat unless she can use the spoon herself, which means she and the whole kitchen need a bath afterwards. Once she opened her diaper and played with the poop. Samara would never have done that. Samara never drew on walls or got into things but she also never left our side. At Samara's 9-month wellness check-ups we had to mark "does not do yet" to one of the questions on the "milestones" handouts they give you. We were so worried she couldn't mark that off that we picked up the one for the 12-month check-up so we could do "homework" and make sure all the questions could be answered "does all the time". We should just set up the therapy fund now! I've never even done one of those questionnaires for Lizzie. The other day I thought she should probably be stacking blocks by now. So I got the blocks out and tried to show her how to stack them. She threw them again and again and had a marvelous time doing it. It is torture for Samara to have to do anything alone. Eating breakfast alone is practically a life sentence. Sometimes, I can't even get Lizzie to play with me. She'd rather explore on her own.
The girls are so different but equally adorable and delightful. There is nothing in the world better than hearing them laugh and play together. We love having two spunky girls.
Anyone else have a first and a second child who are so wildly different? I know kids definitely come with their own personalities, but how big a factor is parenting and birth order? What about your third and fourth?
Oh yeah, the differences are definitely noticeable. I've also wondered how much of it is nature vs. nurture though. I remember really pushing/helping/working with Carly to get her to walk and she was walking at 9 months. With Wes, we didn't work as hard--the second time around I thought, "What's the rush?" and he started walking at 10.5 months. And with Lexie, well, we'll just say she started walking on her 1st birthday. But, then again, the younger ones learn things that Carly didn't learn too. It's all very interesting and makes you wonder if there really is more to that whole birth order stuff.
ReplyDeleteSame here! My boys are both fun and imaginative and energetic, but that's where the similarities stop. They're minds work in completely different ways. And they are motivated by and interested in completely different things. Its incredible.
ReplyDeleteOh! and I forgot to say. That you are amazing taking pictures of the girls are their first day of nursery. And in the same dress!! Awesome.
ReplyDeleteIt seems like your oldest and my oldest and your second and my second are a LOT alike. Amelia never, ever wants to be alone and Eliza can sit upstairs for hours playing by herself. Number three was equally as different. Extremely outgoing, yet loves playing by himself. It's just wild seeing how different they are all.
ReplyDeleteI think it depends a lot on personality. My oldest two were EXTREMELY independent. It wasn't until my 3rd that I had one who wanted, asked for, thought about my help. I'm in nursery now, though, and you can totally tell which kids are only children, which are oldest and which are youngest. So maybe birth order makes a difference.
ReplyDeleteHey, one of those "nursery thugs" is mine! :) That was cool to see a pictue of those little nursery kids who are now in CTR 6/7. They're a great class and have become really mature.
ReplyDeleteMy oldest had an incredibly hard time going to nursery. Since I played the piano in primary both hours I couldn't stay with her so I ended up bringing her with me to primary until she was 2 1/2. She was so easy and I didn't mind her being with me anyway. When Madalyn turned 1 they let her go to nursery and that's when Kylie started going. She was totally fine going with Madalyn, just not by herself. It's been really fun to see my kids develop personalities and I think birth order has a lot to do with it. I really enjoyed this post and the one on change. Can't wait to see the house pictures!